Ed: This news item today: Students paint over Rudyard Kipling poem ‘If’ just a WEEK after the art was erected on a campus wall because of writer’s ‘racist and imperialistic’ words” inspired our contributor Hugo Jenks to send in his version. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it as much as I did!

 

‘If’ – for today

If you have lost your marbles when all about you
Have lost theirs too and blaming it on Fatcher,
If you can trust in Marx and saviour Corbyn too,
And if the local Imam is you favourite teacher;
If you can whinge and not be tired of whingeing,
Or hearing the truth and preferring a pack of lies,
Or seeing kindness, attribute it to hating,
And cultivate the scarecrow look, attract the flies!

If you can scream – and make screaming your master;
If you can drink – and pee on the street with bad aim;
If you can mock Trump and disregard resultant disaster
And see yourself as not insane;
If you can deceive and love taqiyya spoken
Twisting the knives by the hands of fools,
Or smash the capitalists, everything broken,
Don’t you know you are Soros’ tools?

If you can muck rake, or all your whinings
And seeing success get puking cross,
You loser, in your own beginnings
Your first breath created dross;
If you can force some better sinew
To serve you wasters, natural order gone,
To leech your betters when there is nothing in you
Like lampreys your raison d’être is to hold on.

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue-
Signalling to the fore. The Corbyn touch.
If neither truth nor reality can reach you,
If all men are to blame, wimmin not so much;
If you fail for just one minute
To do all these things, you better run,
And hide your sorry snowflake backside, innit?
And get a life, and have some fun!

 

Inspired by the insanity of the Student Union at Manchester University.

Would that this poem could be written on their wall instead!

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