Have you noticed the latest bit of terminological legerdemain?

No? Well, you are not alone, I hadn’t either.

It’s all Nigel’s fault, really. There I was, just having finished my usual poached egg breakfast and tuned in to the 9am Sky News programme and who should appear on my screen but Nigel, sitting there, fully tied, suited, neat hair do, elegantly shaven (I do so dislike – I nearly said the unmentionable “H” word – those scruffy facial curtains modern males seem to be regimentally adopting as some form of incognito, or even a diversity attempt to blend with immigrants but in the end are really dodging their duty to appear respectable in public) … anyway, there was Nigel, making a formal appearance as the “Former Leader of UKIP”.

The young lady interviewer was desperate to add his condemnation to those of the PM plus the chairman of the Tory party and other sundry know-all bigwigs who had joined the “universal” concern and were protesting at, as some maintained, our ex-Foreign Secretary`s Islamophobic comments.

“Nonsense” said Nigel (or words to that effect) – Boris was in fact advocating not banning the burqa as had happened in France, Austria, Netherlands and others and now Denmark, and was now only “airing” a subject that, if you asked the man in the British street, more than 50% would advocate its complete exclusion. What’s more, echoing a previous comment of “John is John” from a far more meatier occasion, he said “Boris is Boris” – which I take to imply he always takes a healthy attitude to freedom of speech, and a colourful interpretation of that is his (Boris) forte – good on him.

Ah! You may have been sitting on the edges of your chairs wondering: what on earth has this got to do with the death of envelopes? And of course, you might well ask! Please have patience! You are soon about to have your answer.

As I said earlier, it was Nigel; well the interview continued and the interviewer quite snidely brought the subject around to what Nigel had to say about the present doings of UKIP setting out to attract far right youth, and, I think, by implication, in the context of the earlier discussion about banning the burqa, UKIP`s majoring on a souped-up version of islamophobia.

Nigel`s reaction to this question was to say that Brexit (or the government’s betrayal of it) was an open goal that UKIP was in danger of missing:

“Brexit is an open goal at the moment, UKIP should stick to it. If you follow the route they are presently going; you go into a cul-de-sac, if you start arguing on religion instead of culture”

Now the envelope.

I thought Nigel had a point and wanted to write  the words down before I forgot them and so searched for a pen and paper.

Oh! You’ve guessed: I found an old envelope! “Right”, you thought because I had used it as a scratch pad I was implying that it had ceased to be an envelope – and thereby … “wrong”.

It was in fact, an envelope I had received from the NHS, enclosing the official results of a medical scan I had taken a week or so earlier.

On the reverse of the envelope at the bottom is an hieroglyphic symbol accompanied by the legend “recycle”, below which is inscribed the sentence:

“when you have finished with this Mailpack please recycle it”

There you have it: it couldn’t be more official!

The common envelope (latin: involucrum) has gone and the more PC and upmarket “Mailpack” (latin: ???) usurper has triumphed and is here to stay.

I assume it is all to do with the EU – perhaps a final attempt, by the wreckers to slavishly cling to their master`s coat tails?

Can we expect to revert to British custom, centuries old, on satisfactory completion of Brexit?


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