*(Please note that this is article is intended to be satirical)

 

Friends, I want to set out part of my strategic vision of a New Britain which only a Rob-u-al Government can deliver. We can realise the dreams and ambitions of our great forefathers in the Robual Movement who understood socialism so well and fought against class oppression.  Our roots show us the way forward.

We have often been accused by our class enemies of spending too much and forgetting about the ….  I can promise you that they are right to accuse us, we must spend to make everything better; we, your government, know best what is best.  We know that the more we spend, we, as my heroes knew, know the better everything will be. We must go on because this is why we are committed to eradicating the …… and making Britain a fairer place in the EU sharing.  We stand or fall by our commitment to…..

So I can promise you that all our promises can be paid for without raising taxes on the proletariat; that is a promise only Rob-u-al can deliver. The very rich and also rich will pay for everything.   We will extract revenue from the rich until the pips are… pipped.  They will pay their fair share for my government to spend.

So today I am pledging that we will target rich people.  We know who the bourgeoisie are.  They are those privileged who Inherit, Own or Use things.  Under true socialism this is not allowed; everyone must give everything to the government and work for the government; as those inspiring words state “From each according to his ability, to each according to his need” or her.

To Inherit, Own or Use, without permission, is to steal from the government and the very rich bourgeoisie and also rich bourgeoisie do this all the time. Often friends, I am asked to do something.  We indeed must act against these class enemies.

I say this, ‘Under a Robual Government IOU payments will be introduced’.  This theft from the government, this failure to pay a fair share will be stopped. Nobody should inherit, own or use anything. If they do, as rich people do, they must pay the government a hire charge; this is only right.  We will introduce annual hire charges or payments on the rich.

We will create many more jobs for class warrior investigators to seek out IOUs and demand hire payments. This is also good news for enlightened accountancy and management consultancy firms who donate generously to the Robual Movement; they will help us devise, workable, watertight rules, and will help us with a constant stream of IOU enforcement and oversight advice.

We will keep the red flag flying high. Friends there is much to be done as we reflect on words that have inspired earlier class warriors ‘In a higher phase of society, after the enslaving subordination of the individual to the division of labour, and therewith also the antithesis between mental and physical labour, has vanished; after labour has become not only a means of life but life’s prime want; after the productive forces have also increased with the all-around development of the individual, and all the springs of co-operative wealth flow more abundantly—only then can the narrow horizon of bourgeois right be crossed in its entirety and society inscribe on its banners: From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs!

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