It’s that time of year for festive quizzes again! 50 (mostly XMAS-related) questions, organised in 10 categories, answers in the New Year… enjoy – and if commenting, please don’t reveal the answers!


ROUND 1: Metrication of Festive Booze etc.

1. What is the original definition of a metre?

  • a) The length of Napoleon Bonaparte’s desk
  • b) French renaming of the British measurement “yard”
  • c) The use of a seconds pendulum to define length as suggested to the Royal Society in 1660 by Christopher WrenChristiaan Huygens had observed that length to be 38 Rijnland inches or 39.26 English inches, that is, 997 mm.
  • d) One ten-millionth of the distance between the North Pole and the Equator
  • Bonus: Why is the answer to this embarrassing?

2. What is the current definition?

3. I have a big measuring job. If I take four poles and form a chain to help me out, excluding my own, how many feet are there?

  • a) 12
  • b) 8
  • c) 66
  • d) 22

4. Brits and Yanks disagree on a number of issues. How big is an American pint?

  • a) 20% bigger than a UK pint
  • b)  UK pints
  • c) What you can fit in a Stetson
  • d) ~0.9534 Litres

5. How many gills in a gallon (British or American)?

  • a) 23
  • b) 32
  • c) 8
  • d) 100

ROUND 2: EU Absurdities – valid all year round

6. Which of the following has not been a EU folly?

  • a) Selling bent bananas at half price
  • b) Not being able to sell bent cucumbers
  • c) Harmonisation of duck eggs
  • d) Onions being defined for certain purposes as a fruit

7. What is directive 80/181/EEC as gold plated by Francis Maude?

  • a) Harmonisation of regulations for duck, goose and hen eggs
  • b) Legal definition of abbreviations for Christmas, e.g. XMAS
  • c) Compulsory metrication by 2010, with no Imperial alternatives/ translations permissible
  • d) An April fool article from Gawain Towler’s “Sprout” magazine about rebranding “sandman” as “sandperson”.

8. What types of incandescent light bulbs can still be legally supplied in the UK?

  • a) Ultra-small for dolls houses?
  • b) Those classed as “Shock Resistant”
  • c) Round for make up mirrors
  • d) None of the above

9.  How did the EU stop banned beef on the bone entering the British food chain?

  • a) Paint it green
  • b) Sell it half price to Africa
  • c) Sell it as dog food source material
  • d) Bury it as landfill  

10.  On hearing about inspectors visiting EU farms in biohazard suits, Dr. Alan Sked, our founder, memorably quipped: “the EU is the only organisation to legislate for the harmonization of…”

  • a) Goose eggs
  • b) Bullshit
  • c) Flu strains
  • d) Accidental nuclear emissions

ROUND 3: Christmas in Literature

11. Who danced the night away at Old Fezziwig’s ball in his youth?

12. Who took time-off from the “Shire” to fake “Letters from Father Christmas” to his children every year?

13. Who stole Christmas, as witnessed by: ”Cindy-Lou Who”?

14. Which Enid Blyton characters are spoofed arranging an Office Christmas Party?

15. Who turned a Christmas pudding into an adventure?

ROUND 4: Christmas Music

16. In the ballet based on a Hoffman tale, who gave a nutcracker to Clara?

17. Handel’s Messiah is often sung at New Year, but what tradition associated with it did George II start?

18. What are the 6 parts of BWM 248 collectively better known as?

19. What did Hattie Jacques, Eric Sykes and Billy Cotton see Mummy doing at Christmas 1961?

20. The same song was Christmas No. 1 in 1984 and 2004. What was it?

ROUND 5: James Bond

21. In which Fleming novel does Bond have Christmas dinner with all the trimmings with M?

22. In which film does Peter O’Toole play the bagpipes as an instrument of torture?

23. Which of these Avengers stars has NOT appeared in a Bond film: Patrick McNee. Honor Blackman, Diana Rigg, Linda Thorson or Joanna Lumley

24. Which of the films did Michel Legrand score?

25. During the NEC electronic voting training, Nigel was a special guest candidate for favourite Bond. Who was the special guest candidate for best villain?

ROUND 6: Around the world

26. What is the Swiss tradition of Silvester better known as?

27. A former bishop of Nicaea, the subject of a Britten oratorio, is better known as?

28. In which European country is it still legal for chimney sweeps to forcibly enter your premises?

29. Where do they serve deep-fried emperor moth caterpillars for Christmas lunch?

30. When do Orthodox Russians celebrate Christmas day?

Bonus: What connects this to the Oktoberfest?

ROUND 7: Christmas in Space

31. In which George Pal film is a Mars mission crew saved at Christmas by snow falling?

32.Who were the first astronauts to spend Christmas in space, orbiting the moon on Christmas Eve, 1968?

33. In which Star Trek film does Jean-Luc Picard celebrate Christmas with his imaginary family?

34. What is Kepler 22-b better known as since 2010?

35. On what is Professor David Hughes, a University of Sheffield astronomer, an expert?

ROUND 8: Christmas TV

36. The Morecambe and Wise 1977 Christmas special does not hold the Christmas ratings record. Which show from the same year does?

37. What connects, amongst others on Christmas day, Quentin Crisp, Jamie Oliver, Brendan Cox, Rev. Jesse Jackson and Brigitte Bardot since 1993?

38. Which notoriously ginger cook advised cutting up Christmas birds with garden secateurs (once sterilised), and said she used bread sauce only as a poultice?

39. The BBC adaptation of John Masefield’s “Box of Delights” featured music from a symphony by which British composer also known for his Handel spoof “Old Mother Hubbard”?

40. Which show made an “advent crown” from coat hangers, candles and tinsel every year?

ROUND 9: Christmas and UKIP

41. Which of the following has not been the subject of a UKIP Christmas Card?

  • a) EU regulations on mince in pies and the nonsense Brussels sprouts
  • b) EU regulations on bell-ringing at new year
  • c) Mayan 2012 end-of-world prophecy
  • d)A smiling photo of the UKIP NEC with Nigel at Langan’s Brasserie after their end-of-year meeting

42. Who proposed (I heartily agree) a “Sanctity of Christmas Act”?

43. Why did Kipper Timothy Miller’s big Union Jack make the news in December 2014?

44. Which UKIP leader wanted Article 50 declared on Christmas Day?

45. Why did treasurer John Bickley make the news in relation to Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas”?

ROUND 10: Review of 2017

46. How many candidates were there on the ballot paper in the most recent leadership election?

47. What did a spokesman say our new logo was known as?

48. Odd one out: Reece Coombes, Nigel Farage, Paul Nuttall (x2), Henry Bolton, and Suzanne Evans?

49. Who died in December 2017, having in his time occupied offices below us and persuaded Joan Collins to support us? (VIZ magazine turned the story into a cartoon strip for The Spectator)

50. When did Nigel start his Talk Radio Show?


christmas images photo

Photo by Matt Biddulph  ; Photo by darkmoon1968

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