Never have so many been panicked by so few.  Terrorism? Well it’s everywhere say the ‘authorities’ you must take precautions, basically ‘run and hide’. Climate change? We must save the planet, or we are all doomed, shouts another 17-year-old authority who panics another lot.  The corona virus? Jezza Hunt, arriving from his cocoon, stares into the distance and tell us that Boris has got it wrong, and none of this would have happened if we had been hypnotised by his stare and voted him in as Prime Minister. Another Jezza – apparently an economics and business expert – writing in some newspaper that has lost much of its readership and is struggling to survive, continues with the story of panic and doom.

The ‘Jezza’ that just stopped being the leader of what used to be the Labour party and continues to try to panic everybody on everything, cocoons himself somewhere while Jezza Clarkson, who appears in the media having lost weight wearing a face mask and telling us all that International air travel is ‘tricky’, panics another lot who buys enough emergency supplies to last six months.  They tell everyone who can be bothered to tear themselves away from the intellectual giants and experts who inhabit the panic stricken airways of breakfast TV and the so called 24 hours news broadcasts, to do the same because they want to be safe when travelling to their work place to do their indispensable highly paid job.

At least they have moved away from all those ‘coming out’ interviews, climate change propaganda and those economic doom and gloom remainers who seem to think that if the virus can be portrayed as the common enemy it will somehow reunite all the ‘Jezzas’ of the world and we will all turn against the government in favour of their beloved EU.

Meanwhile, their sisters, all the Anouskas, Hollys, Poppys, Alicias and those with names like Victoria Dumfunkington-Smythe, keep telling us how to behave and what to do and how to work, sounding not like the nanny that they supposedly despise because of their implied elitism, but more like the deputy head girl or the house captain of some academy in a shire town in what was, when they were growing up, called the Home Counties.

Listen to them and we would all be working from home – once we could decide which room and the correct apparel to wear.  Not the bedroom, which would seem to be bad form, but the ‘sitting room’ (note not the lounge because that is what lesser mortals refer to as their living space). Another is there to advise us on our diet, high protein of course.  How about a breakfast of naturally wonky avocado on rye bread toast?  Be quick though as the rye flour used to make the bread is getting difficult to obtain at the moment.

And then there are the interminable articles on the virus.  Ami and Jago are calling for clarification from their children’s school on whether she should really self-quarantine with Becky and Dominic, as the only contact they have had with Italy this season was when Uncle Mungo and Auntie Olivia returned from their late winter break in the Alps and that was three weeks ago now.  (With hindsight Mungo said ignoring the warnings of the time was ‘tricky’, not least of all the cost of the chalet, but it was a rather expensive and upmarket and they thought it would be OK). This is really not good enough you know.  We expected at least on-line tuition and tutorials for the amount of fees we pay at Brockenhurst – after all the pupils are all from the best families.

Boris is coming under lots of pressure because what he announced as ‘sensible precautions’ is not good enough on one hand and too draconian on the other.  The ‘friends generation’, who appear to spend all their time on social media these days, seem to want a total closedown of everything in the UK – well over 320,000 people signed a petition along those lines yesterday. Some of our friends and neighbours across the channel are already heading that way, so it seems that what social media wants is a complete lockdown on everything and people working from home, with no free movement or international travel, which is at odds with what was being pressed for by them prior to the virus.

According to some social media influencers, this virus contamination is the fault of the older people, the ones that self-identify as old that is, as anything else would be unfair and discriminatory.  I mean one of the three older, middle aged blokes on that programme that was once both funny and about cars, said words along the lines of well, it’s getting a bit much now as the body is showing some signs of wear.  Perhaps they think being in their late 50s will save them when the media-driven war of the generations starts.

In France, apparently, old age starts at 68 so they are fine for the moment but as we know in the UK that is not the case as you often see fat old blokes running around in shorts and T-shirts in the middle of winter, but in Italy, the home of all things fashionable, hospitals have been told not to treat seriously ill old people at this time of crisis. No age has been specified as far as I can see, but as it’s a left wing pro EU government this week, there is probably one of those high EU standards and a directive on what constitutes old age knocking about somewhere in a government office.


Part 2 will be published here tomorrow.

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