There must be thousands out there like me, so recently part of a couple but now, not just alone but elderly and Coronavirus alone. Self-isolated, unable to leave home, unable to visit family or friends, no hugs no kisses, just tears alone. And largely alone, trying to cope with the urgent paperwork, emails and phone calls they have never done before. How to deal with a loved-one’s death and sorting out their affairs is not something you learn at school. Iit arrives like a thunderbolt, the current Coronavirus making so much worse.
My husband died in February, just before the Coronavirus really took hold in the UK but even then the number of unexpected deaths was rising and the autopsy which had to take place because of the way he died, was delayed again and again. Which meant that his funeral was also delayed and by the time it was able to go ahead, the Lockdown was in place. The funeral at our local Crematorium was reduced to just the Committal Service, fifteen minutes in and out, flowers to be taken away and only six mourners allowed, sitting at the approved 6 ft. social distance. Apart from myself, there were my Local Daughter and husband, my step-son and his wife who also live locally, and my London Daughter who drove down and, with no physical contact, then immediately had to turn round and drive back to avoid having to self-isolate for fourteen days.
After that it was back to my lonely home to read the lovely notes and sympathy cards from friends and relations, and to remember and grieve. But there was no time because there was my husband’s Will to prove and his affairs to deal with.
I have been far luckier than many others who have no family in their area since my step son was an Executor of my husband’s Will and, being younger, was able to go out to deal with most of the money problems. And then there was the recent ‘Tell Us Once’ service which, thank goodness, can be used to report a death to most government services in one go. But there were still so many private organisations to inform — Utilities, Insurances, Building Societies, Premium Bonds and Credit Cards amongst others. And the present situation doesn’t make it any easier.
They are all very kind: ‘Sorry about your loss’, etc., but phone – and the ‘transfer to one of our agents working at home’ can take an hour or more, or they say they’ll get someone to phone back, only they don’t. Email, and they reply that they hope to get back to you within five working days. Send a genuine letter and it could take a month to get a reply. And you can only hope that with the present muddle, the information you receive is correct, and that the cheques you expect aren’t lost in the post or you will have to start all over again. The list of things to do grew longer and every morning it became more difficult to get out of bed to face the day.
And there was no-one in the home to scream at but the cat.
Because of the present situation, many companies will now accept a copy of the Death Certificate rather than demand the real article, but if not, it meant asking my Local Daughter to join a long queue at the Post Office to send it recorded delivery. So when she brought my shopping, for which she had already had to queue, and left it six feet from the door, I would have to take it and then replace it with the envelope. After which I would also have to ask her to queue once more, probably for another hour or so, to collect my medication from the chemist. Queuing all on her own.
And then there was the Bank. Since I am under what feels like house arrest, I couldn’t go down to town to sort out my accounts. My London Daughter, being an IT expert, told me that it was easy to register for online banking. But being over eighty, and not tech savvy, the idea scared me. Still, with email persuasion from her and phone help from my local son-in-law (but with no-one by my side to explain) I finally worked it out and should, in future, be able to shuffle my money around from, as they say, ‘the comfort of my own home’.
Also with a little more help from my London Daughter I was able to use this new-fangled Zoom and actually see my family on screen which is half-way to wonderful.
And now, thank heaven, the Lockdown is easing.
But life will not return to anything like normal until we can hold a Memorial Service for my husband and until we can touch one another, hug and kiss one another, be surrounded physically by family and to remember and grieve.
Until then we are all of us alone.
Sonya, you have my heartfelt sympathy…
Sonja thank you for sharing your loss and from the wonderful way you write, your feelings too. It got me to thinking of my parents who, though long departed, are, in a funny kind of way, both still in my head. It took a long time, but it doesn’t hurt anymore when I think of them.
My comment is very selfish, in that I would like to know if you will write some more about the UN and Agenda 30. In fact not just Agenda 30 but the whole of the UN’s operation. Leaving the EU is only a major battle in the war. The war is still being fought.
It is my opinion that this country should follow the example of the USA and stop funding the WHO. Then a campaign should be started to inform and persuade about the intentions and behaviour of the UN.
I cannot begin to understand your situation but will spend some time thinking about your article. Unfortunately you are not alone.
Kim, this might help:
https://massawakening.org/how-does-agenda-21-is-being-implemented-worldwide/
I understand that there are a number of such agendas; Agenda 21, Agenda 2030 and, recently, Agenda 2050. All are a real and present danger to life as we know it. I believe they are available on the UN website.
Yes I agree with you Kim. The more information we get on UN and WHO, on the Globalisation project in general, the better. Preferably articles on here because I tend to get a numb bum, like now, spending too long searching the net etc.
Sonya – I’m sorry to read this. I have a lot to say about many things but on matters like this, as usual, I’m lost for words. Consider yourself hugged from afar and keep letting us know how you’re getting on.
This lock down and social distancing is turning us into unwilling robots devoid of any ability to care and nourish and cherish those outside our self isolating cells. My heart goes out to you, Sonya. What a ghastly existence it is when we cannot even give anyone a hug in their time of need, or a squeeze of a hand. I am sure that your brave article, which moved me to tears, will help others who are coming to terms with a bereavement and wondering how to find the strength to keep going. Stay strong.
It’s great that you can write about it Sonya and let others hear and share particularly during the lockdown.
Sorry to hear of your loss Sonya, I cannot imagine how I would cope in similar circumstances.
So sorry to learn of your sad loss Sonya, made so much worse during this time of Lockdown. – I’m so glad that you have discovered Internet Banking, which is generally needed due to so many Branch Banks having closed and so convenient. – Just take it in your own time. – Check, and then check again, before clicking the accept button !
I’m just a kid of 75, and lost my darling wife to cancer eight years ago. – I know it is the worst hammer blow to anyone, yet I have survived and so will you. – It is clear that we both have excellent families, who are computer savvy and want to help, and you have this zoom too. – My loneliness is only broken by the use of telephone, but it looks likely that some restrictions are about to be eased.
Your loss can never be anything else but personal, but do realise that you are not in any way alone. – Many of us have had to tread this path, and many will have to in the future. – My late wife was the gardener, and she let me do any heavy work, but now I sit in the garden, with so many jobs to do, but without the strength or knowledge to do them ! – I find myself laughing at memories, and those are a great help.
God Bless you Sonya, and let the positive overtake the negative in your life !
So sorry to hear of your loss Sonya. I don’t know anyone who has died of the virus and very few who have even contracted it, but your story shows there are people like you who have lost loved ones. At times like these it’s especially difficult when we can’t even comfort our family with a hug. My deepest sympathies go out to you.
I echo Debbie’s every word, Sonya. God bless.
PS: I, too, lived in Dubai in the 1980’s. I wonder if we ever met?
Small world, isn’t it Michael. We lived in Dubai from 1982 to 1990. David worked for the American Company, United Technology on aerial navigation; our younger daughter went to the Dubai English English Speaking School; our elder daughter went to the Dubai College; I sort of fell into journalism and wrote for the Khaleej Times, Gulf News and various magazines, writing as S Jay Porter. We lived first in the Al Ghurair Centre and later across the water in that very tall ‘skyscraper’, (can’t remember the name) and could often be found at the Golf Club (?) How about you???
I found that when my mother died the best was to keep busy and dealing with a death certainly does that. I never got married and could not face the prospect of the inevitable parting. Usually the split up but if not sooner or later death. So sorry it’s like this for you but the fact is things will get better. It’s a cliché but also true.