Rare image of the denizens of No 10 and Westminster!

 

Oh dearie me – oh my aching sides! This morning’s ‘news’ dished out by our MSM, or rather: the ‘cream of Westminster journalists’ writing for the broadsheets, are hilarious, and they didn’t even notice. They and their ‘sources’ are spinning so fast that it’s difficult to discern their message for today. It must be difficult having to think for oneself when one’s been relying on titbits from “sources in No 10’’ when those ‘sources’ have suddenly dried up.

These ‘sources’ are people with whom one might have had relationships, from being invited to parties which didn’t take place to marriage. Yes, marriage: The Times’ opinion piece writer James Forsyth had to declare in his opinion piece this morning (link, paywalled) that he’s the husband of Ms Allegra Stratton, the lady who a year ago became Johnson’s PR honcho, being a FoC (friend of Carrie), and who resigned tearfully because of ‘that’ video. I understand that this was common knowledge within the Westminster Swamp.

I’m not saying that Ms Stratton was the culprit for all those leaks – I am however saying that there’s been an unsavoury connection between Carrie’s Courtiers and Westminster ‘journalists’. I wonder in passing if the main ‘source in No 10’ might not have been the queen of that court. She is known to prefer ‘WhatsApp’ messaging to communicate her will.

While I’m congratulating the proud dad in No 10 on having produced yet another sprog, I wonder if the current  political disaster, created by the ‘no party’ Christmas Party leaks and the ‘dead cat’ Plan B announcement, weren’t caused by Mrs J being out of No 10 and in hospital giving birth. Am I too cynical when I suggest that the PM might be controlled by his wifey? And is perhaps Mr Fraser Nelson’s comment piece in the DT last night (paywalled link) a sign that the Carrie Courtiers and their gossip receivers are desperately trying to deflect public opinion away from her machinations? 

The headline of Mr Nelson’s article was another item that had me in stitches: “This fractious Cabinet doesn’t want to topple Boris. It wants to control him – Resignations may come, but for now ministers are drawing red lines around the PM’s court of chaos” (paywalled link) – a ‘fractious cabinet’? That bunch of nonentities? Wanting to ‘control’ Johnson? I’m laughing so hard that my sides ache!

Mr Nelson – who ought to know better – interestingly seems to believe that the cabinet ministers have Johnson’s fate in their hands. Sorry, it’s the MPs who do. Apparently the appropriate ‘no confidence’ letters are already flooding into the inbox of the 1922 Committee. 64 are needed. Well, we’ve been there before, haven’t we, when the previous PM survived such vote. Why would it be different this time? Meanwhile our wonderful MPs are concentrating on trying to get a sufficient number of colleagues to vote against Plan B on Tuesday. First things first, innit!

Perhaps they’re correct to wait because, should there be a sufficient number of Tory ‘rebels’, Johnson would have to rely on Starmer’s lot to get his Plan B through the HoC. That would be a lovely little scandal, especially as Starmer has helpfully told the Tories to get rid of Johnson.

A few sentences in Mr Nelson’s article are staggering, demonstrating what happens when ‘sources’ using ‘WhatsApp’ to give guidance have suddenly dropped out so that MSM writers suddenly don’t know how best to spin. For example: “The rule-by-terror under Dominic Cummings has turned into a Boris Johnson court of chaos which is, if anything, worse.” (paywalled link). Tough: Carrie and therefore you Westminster lot wanted Cumming out, so live with it!

There’s also this: “The Prime Minister’s bizarre decision to hold an inquiry into whether his own staff held a party under his own roof underlines the sense of no one being in charge.” (paywalled link) – well, of course nobody was ‘in charge’! Carrie was away giving birth, something which does tend to occupy a lady’s mind and might keep her from whatsapping. 

In the following paragraphs Mr Nelson desperately tries to explain away the chaos of all that is Plan B. He hasn’t realised that Plan B was always meant to happen, not least because Carrie, probably, wanted ‘zero covid’ as much as she wants ‘Net Zero’. 

This is how we’re governed: spin, deflection, chaos – the ultimate result when unelected personages, usually providing ‘guidance’ and spin, suddenly drop out of circulation. The latest ‘spun news’ is that there’s no leader running day-to-day business when Daddy Johnson is taking ‘paternity leave’ with Mummy Carrie.

Mr Raab, the Vice-PM, is self isolating because he’s tested +ive after having been in contact with his Australian counterpart. Why an Ozzie should have covid given their covid measures is anybody’s guess. Next in line would be Mr Sunak … but fear not, Johnson will still ‘lead’. 

I assume that ‘ The Johnsons’ will try to work out a suitable way of extricating themselves from the steaming ruin that is Johnson’s Premiership. Meanwhile it’s becoming more probable that Johnson will indeed go. “Sources” have told the DT that:

“On Thursday night, reports emerged claiming that rival leadership contenders to Mr Johnson were on manoeuvres. MPs claimed that backers of Rishi Sunak, the Chancellor, and Liz Truss, the Foreign Secretary, were attempting to bolster support for potential future candidacies.” (paywalled link)

It’s interesting to look at the names missing here. Is Mr Gove not going to ‘try again’? What about a certain Mr Hunt? Has Mr Javid realized that, with the covid and NHS albatross around his neck, his chances might not be as brilliant anymore? But naming Ms Truss – hm, now there’s someone to keep an eye on! She’s topped the approval polls run in ConHome ever since the last GE. Her successes as Trade Minister speak for themselves. So far, she’s also kept or has been kept well out of the FO Afghan scandal.

If it comes to a leadership election I suggest she has great chances, not least because she seems to be well liked and well supported by her mandarins – and that is a behind-the-scenes support which should not be underestimated.

I leave you with two other hilarious news snippets. One is that ‘academics’ are calling for a law to ‘ban face mask littering’ because all those discarded masks were ”accelerating the spread of Covid-19 and resulting in plastic pollution that could last hundreds of years.” (link, paywalled). Oh dear! Where are all those green activists? Can’t they organise mask-litter-picking parties, clad in full hazmat suits?

The top prize in today’s ‘hilarity news’ contest goes to that wannabe Napoleon across the Channel. He actually blamed – – – Mrs Thatcher! ‘Tis because she created the economic conditions making illegals want to come to the UK (link, paywalled). Well I nevah!

Forgive me, I cannot continue – I must hold my aching sides. Never have I seen so many hilarious Westminster news items in one morning. And the funniest thing is that clearly, with no Carrie disseminating ‘leaks’, our Westminster ‘journalists’ are rudderless. 

 

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